At one point of your life, you’re going to experience what it’s like to have a bad friend. It’s like one of those, “been there, done that” type of experiences everyone goes through in their life. If you never have, consider yourself lucky. I’ve experienced what it’s like to have bad friends in elementary school, middle school, AND high school.
Let’s start off with my background history on bad friends. All throughout elementary school, I never really had a close group of friends, or a best friend. Until I hit 4th grade, I wandered around from group to group. It was alright. I never got to experience play dates and birthday parties, but I didn’t necessarily mind. Once I entered fourth grade, I became a part of a small group of girls. BUT, these girls were constantly picking fights upon one another, and there was always small internal drama, (click here on how to deal with drama). At the time, I didn’t know any better. They were my “friends” and though I was excluded and picked on the most, they were to closest thing I had ever had to a best friend. It remained like this until I entered middle school, I thought I had found a best friend, but now I realize it was just a title, we were never that close. Anyway, I was involved in a toxic group in 8th grade that was split off into small segments that always excluded a few people, and within those secluded groups, they would talk behind the others’ backs (check out this other story similar to mine about fake friends). One time, I became a victim of this exclusion and backstabbing. It nearly tore apart my friendship with my “best friend” and it caused A LOT OF DRAMA. I mean it. A LOT. Then I entered high school. I made a goal not to be involved with bad people, and surround myself in positive, supportive people. My group of friends and I got into “girl-drama” with one girl, and she ended up leaving. But it was okay, and the remaining three of us remained close. Little did I know, one of them was dangerous. She had a facade of always being there (she literally was awake at 4 in the morning), treating you out to eat, invited you to hang out, and seemed down to earth. Don’t have a ride? No problem, she’s got you. But behind this facade was a brewing storm that contained excluding people and putting others down. She was close-minded but I was too blind to see it—I thought she was just watching out for me. She constantly talked me down, was controlling, and expected me to always take her side. We eventually grew apart the next year, (it also involved a lot of confusion and backlash), and we haven’t talked since. I’m completely fine with it.
Even though something might seem terrible, there is always something good to come out of it. Through bad experiences you can gain so many positive things. It’s your choice to remember and cherish them. Through my past, I’ve been able to learn how to maintain friendships (definitely look at this post on friendship), be a good friend, and learn who’s important to me. Best Friend, a song by Foster the People, speaks to me in a sense where you can pull your best friend out from the darkness, the power of support and loyalty. Another thing I was able to grasp from my past “friendships” was my REAL friends. It truly is smart to keep your circle small. Cherish those who cherish you. The friend who had left my small circle of friends from the beginning of high school is my best friend, and we had both thought we would never be able to build the trust that shattered so quickly and sadly (click here for more on loyalty within friendships). The friend who remained in that circle that wasn’t toxic is also my best friend. Never underestimate being an acquaintance with someone, your relationship with them can blossom into so much more. Friendships can bloom in the most interesting ways, where it could be based off of small, mutual trust and just a bit of small talk. You could end up being someone’s best friend simply out of not having any other connection, but you realize you don’t NEED to have anyone else, because you two click perfectly. That’s the case with my last best friend.
A best friend is someone you consider family, ohana, and ohana means no one gets left behind. I truly believe in not leaving anyone behind. Exclusion is a terrible thing that drives people to feeling anything from lonely to suicidal. Best friends literally know you inside out, they are those you come to trust your LIFE on. Do you trust your life in everyone’s hands? I’m going to assume the answer is no. Then, don’t toss around that title like it’s candy, because really, it’s not as sweet as it seems. Best friends can be absolutely disgusting (check this out for different types of friends). But that’s what makes you so close to them.
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